Artemis Fowl: On Leather Wings
by Stolas
Summary: Artemis Fowl becomes the modern equivalent of Dracula. Note that this is an alternative to book 7. Warning, Christian themes since classic vampires originated with fallen angels etc. Rated T for violence. Old style Draculean vamps, crosses and class.
1. Be our guest

This is an experiement, reviews will determine if this continues or not.

Butler is speaking here by the way...

* * *

Young master Artemis is a youth of very simple tastes.

Expensive often, but nevertheless simple.

A fine horse

A good concerto

Poetry of nearly any sort...

A little caviar

An occasional moonlit walk...

And more recently

A goblet of blood.

Or maybe two when he wishes to indulge.

Confused?

It is a pretty simple tale really, how my young master came to truly perfect his vampiric smile...

Would you like to hear the story?

Your blank and simultaneously frightened expression just screams with curiosity.

Or I suppose it could be the drugs muffling a genuine scream...

Yeah, that does sound more likely doesn't it?

I also suppose you are a little curious as to why we kidnapped you...

Well, we were a bit sloppy I suppose, this is only our second kidnapping you see.

Our purposes have changed as well since our last kidnapping.

You aren't going to be held for ransom.

Nor are you going to be killed.

You will not be treated poorly, or at least not painfully.

For the most part, we just want to keep you here.

Have you guessed why?

Hmm... I see your eyes are staring at my lip, tell me, am I bleeding?

It appears I have cut myself, I apologize, these fangs are new to me.

I've only been among the undead for around a week.

And yet, I find that my lust for blood is already quite impressive...

Even the taste of my own drives me crazy...

Of course we would never suck any of your blood.

No.

We couldn't risk making you into one of us.

Not only would your blood be useless then, but you also would become much harder to contain.

No, we won't suck your blood.

We'll use a needle.

You will never leave here.

Instead you will be drugged routinely.

Kept nearly comatose.

Fed intravenously here.

You will be routinely drained of blood

Which we will use for our sustenance.

Does it frighten you?  
That you will never see the sunlight again?

All your wishes

All your dreams

All your desires

Have ended in you becoming our personal blood bank.

You won't be lonely though...

Others, many others will join you soon.

My, I have become rather sadistic since growing these fangs, haven't I?

Well, I may yet show some compassion to you.

Not much, but maybe a little.

Very little.

When you're eyes show some degree of awareness

As they do now

I will tell you the story of how Master Artemis began his ascension beyond mortality.

I enjoy telling stories after all, especially violent ones.

Like this one.

* * *

So what is the opinion of the masses on this?

If you like it then please tell me so in your review.

The reviews will determine if this is worth spending time on or not.

I sound like such a jerk!

My goal is to create a modern version of Dracula using Artemis Fowl, with a couple twists.

Okay, a lot of twists.

REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE!

I'm sorry, I'm just really busy and don't want to spend time on something people don't like.

Thank you!

-Stolas


	2. The plan

July 20th, From the Encrypted audio files of .

It has been three days now, and I fear the worst.

The transformation is nearing completion, and the trauma is such that my hands may never stop shaking. Her change, has been, so complete. So total, so...

All consuming.

This plague took its time. Yes, it took a great while, starting first in some hapless burg of America I would assume...  
Some sleepy little town unaware of the monster it had unwittingly aided in creating.

It was there the cursed book, the cause of my misery, it was there that it was first penned.

And then...

It was launched like a nuclear missile at the unstable minds of teenage girls.

Hell has come for me at last.

Holly Short.

Has become...

A Twilight fan.

A fanatic.

Obsessed.

And she has asked ME.

ME of all people, to aid her in a quest more wicked than any taken by myself even on my most vile of days...

She has asked me...

To purchase the trilogy.

En masse.

For the Fairy Realm, where the books are ALSO catching on.

…

I have regrettably already complied to her demands.

And fear that my soul has now been damned forever.

…

I must distract myself.

For my sanity, I must distract myself.

…

Treasure hunting.  
Yes, since I can no longer morally justify theft (At least not to Captain Short)  
I have decided to take up "Retrieval-Based Archeology" also known as Treasure Hunting.

In the more ancient ruins of Europe, there is (Allegedly) the gem of Vlad Tepes.

Vlad having been a greatly evil man, many claim he was something... More.

Something...  
Evil and powerful.

Something... That did not sparkle in the sunlight and I HATE THAT BOOK!

Anyway...

Vlad. Yes. He was according to legend, the first (Draculean) vampire.

(Draculean here meaning of the sort detailed in Bram Stoker's Dracula)

Dracula was (AGAIN Allegedly) based upon Vlad Tepes himself.

On the day of Vlad's death, I found a curious tale of a small jewel that fell from his mouth.

This jewel is said to contain his soul, which never left the Earth.

Personally, I believe that jewel to posses nothing more than the mystical power to make any man rich beyond his wildest dreams. Or perhaps in my case...

To give me a moderately sized bonus to my monthly allowance.

…

…

…

Holly wants me to be funny.

But that joke could never get a laugh.

Allowance jokes aren't funny.

She wants me to be funny.

She demands I show more wit.

How's this?  
Twilight is a load of S***.

Was that funny?

No. It was profane and juvenile.

Beneath me.

And I am off track again.

The gem's monetary value is pocket change to me.

This is true.

So why do I want to find it?

The real benefit of this find is one of Sociological impact.

By finding the Gem of Vlad Tepes,

The man that inspired the infamous Dracula...

I will win both international acclaim

AND more importantly

It may renew interest in the classical vampire stories...

And put an end to Twilight forever.

I can feel the release coming...

Yes, the Twilight is over, the sun is coming out...

One might even say the Dawn is Breaking...

Yes.

YES.

YES! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Okay, that was funny. I have reached my daily allotment of forced humor. Also, I must take special note that maniacal laughter is not my forte. It also strains my throat. Ow.)

* * *

Author notes

Okay, Thorn gave me a much needed kick in the pants, I had forgotten this in the shuffle of College work. Anyway, you may have noticed two things. Firstly, Artemis seems different. I have lately had some difficulty in perfectly capturing Colfer's Artemis, ergo this is my interpretation for my purposes in this story. Also, the Twilight rant is largely me, and I know that the rampant criticism is unlike Artemis, which is exactly why I wanted to do it. It also identifies Arty with an interest in classical vampires, and it gives me an excuse to write a few totally tasteless jokes to highlight that Arty genuinely hates the books and more importantly gives me a break from writing totally serious items. Seriously, I have been writing really dark poetry for months now since I can do it without a massive investment of time I have been lacking for any larger projects.

If you like this, comment.

If you would like to complain, please do.

This story should be happening now, and I am very sorry for the ridiculous delay.


End file.
